Hmm...

What is a relationship?

I've been reading over a few friends blogs, as well as my girlfriends blog and was quite surprised by the results.

I get a mention in about 70% of the blog posts from my friends. In all but one case the blogs are from friends that I don't see much more then once a week at the most.

Most of the times I've been mentioned in my friends ones have been in regards to fun things we've done, stupid things we've done in the past, or sad things we've been a part of - all over the board. But its usually with people that I spend less time with; those that when I do see them its not been taken for granted, and they enjoy the company (that much is evident).

When I think about the times in my life that I've enjoyed myself the most, its usually the things that I don't do very often - Skydiving; Shooting; playing with fire on an epic scale, etc...

Why is it easier to look forward to doing things with friends I rarely see, then those I see daily? One would assume that the relationships I have with those close by would be stronger; yet it always seems to be the opposite. That its easier to get along with the seldom seen.

I think in a way that I'm becoming almost too reliable to some people I see daily. That it's got to the point where I can be taken for granted, and I've almost become more of an object of reliance, then a friend.

I got a call to help someone move house, my friend told me he called me first. When asked why they called me (given I haven't seen him around in a while), he told me that it was because he knew I would be able to help; that I would offer to help, and that I would expect nothing in return. That I'd been able to help him a lot in the past, and he knew he could rely on me for help.

At first I thought this was a pretty good thing, as it shows I'm reliable. I mentioned it to another friend who was with me at the time who simply said jokingly "or maybe you are a doormat" and just laughed it off.

That got me thinking though.

I realised that I'm more then happy to drop stuff I'm doing to help out other people, but its rarely a two-way street. I don't do it to curry favour, or to look good etc in front of them. Its just one of those things that I was brought up to do - if someone needs help, you help.

I've realised though that some of those closest to me do not have the same behaviour or standards. I'm starting to feel now though that it's those that I'm closest to - that the relationships are dying. How does one rebuild it to the point of a mutual true friendship, rather then a task master and obedient servant while still being a friend and helping them with their needs?

I spoke with a mentor about this earlier and they said that it shows someone's true character in how they act always. I agree with this, that someone's heart is shown through their actions. He also mentioned that perhaps we just live in a lazy generation where the focus on self will always be foremost.

I know that when people call for help I'll be there. I know that in the future I will drop what I'm doing if a friend is in need. I just hope that somehow, in some way, people will see what I do and recognise the lack of standards in our society. That they will be spurned to kick it up a notch - to stop living for themselves, and to start thinking about how they can serve and care for others.

- Shifty